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13 January 2006 @ 06:20 pm
Wow a day to be all scared and nervous or what i like to call my typical day. I feel like crap, i keep feeling high then low god i hate illnesses. Found out my english reading coursework is no good so i've got to write it again, and to top my day off everyone around me is feeling sickingly happy a frown wouldn't hurt sometimes people!!!
Tomorrow i plan to go the gym, well that's the plan anyway then i've got to write this stupid coursework and do a tonne of homework but what i really feel like doing is boarding a plane, flying away and never come back i just need the money- another problem in my life.
If only life was easy....we can dream.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Gabrielle
11 January 2006 @ 04:21 pm
Today has took a suprising and disastrous turn, this morning I was actually happy and i was smiling but now it's like someones took all the happiness away and im left feeling empty, why? I did my usual smiled made people laugh told them stuff they wanted to hear, i listened to their problems yet mine remained bottled up and i could cope with that, but something happened to me later today and all i feel like doing is hiding away from the world. God i hate feeling like this!
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: Once more with feeling
09 January 2006 @ 06:46 pm
Had an ok day today watched Donnie Darko in media class - brilliant film. Got a posh dinner to go to in 1/2 hr and not looking forward to that, having to say glass as glarse is so stupid (where's the R in glass people?)
Hoping tomorrow gets better, I finish at 2.30 so should be a slight improvement.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Madonna
08 January 2006 @ 10:06 am
The first three days of school are over THANK GOD! but tomorrow i have to endure another week. Why can't anything in life be easy. we just got a gym set up in our garage and everyones hassling me to work out and then when i do their forcefeeding my junk food (WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME PEOPLE) I just want this whole school year to be over and forgotten. Im putting my mind to better use at the moment like planning my moms big 40 birthday bash- its going to be perfect! For my birthday im trying to convince everyone to dress up, preferably in clothes form different eras, my era it's gotta be Victorian.
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Hella Good
04 January 2006 @ 07:02 pm
Feeling a bit better today now that i know im not the only one who was dreading to come back to college. Still set on leaving soon though- i've just had enough and i can't take the constant bitching, it's none of my friends at least i think not but it seems everyone's to quick to judge me and im mainly aiming this at my family. Just because i wear make up im all of a sudden a slapper, and if i say please or thank you im all of a sudden a posh bitch, i mean what's wrong with manners once in a while, at least i know what manners are!!

Life for me is taking a strange course of action, before i was weary of showing my true colours but the mood im in now i want to scream and shout at everyone, telling them exactly what i think, God! i think my next entry i'll make it more happier.lol.

Anyway im going to escape reality with a good dose of Buffy.
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: none
03 January 2006 @ 03:29 pm
Ok i know this is my frist entry, I promise it won't be my last. I've got that feeling which is usual for me the day before i go back to school/college, i freeze up, worry then panic then cry then come up wth all sorts of plans that could prevent me from going back. The only thing i like about the place is my friends other than that i'd rather crawl under a rock then go back there. My life officially sucks! no matter what i do i can't help but feel miserable, i've forgotten what it's like to smile and actually mean it, everyday I smile and bite my tongue just to spare everyone elses feelings for once i'd just like to say what i actually feel. I try so much to tell my mom, that im depressed and that i hate my life but i think is that i'll hurt her if i tell her.

I keep trying to tell my mom that I want to leave, that as soon as i turn 18 im going to turn my back on Birmingham, my home and everything around me, of course i'll stay in contact but i've had enough of this place i just want to explore, i've picked up a load of brochures about working abroad and my best option is America preferably LA because i want a career in media and over there it's supposedly a media frenzy (i don't know if that's true). All i know is that i've got so many plans for my future i just want to fast forward my life so i can get to that point. Im so confused!

The irony of it is that a new year is meant to be a new start but i just feel that im in the same rut of life that i was in 2005.
I can't believe that this is my first entry and im pouring my heart and soul out telling people i don't even know that im depressed and want to leave home, i just hope this is good therapy for me.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Im watching Buffy