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17 January 2006 @ 07:10 pm
Lonely Rose  
Went to school today in hopes of gaining some energy and it worked for 5 seconds then all i wanted was my bed, doubt i'll go in tomorrow. Fed up it seems everyone's relying on me i think it's about time i started to rely on others a bit more, im not superwoman.
Waste of time going in today because whatever information i was meant to learn, i never i was too busy tyring to get rid of this mind numbing headache which seems to be hanging over my eyes, i can't read properly an the only phrase i can master is, Leave Me Alone!
Im feeling ok at the minute but in about an hours time the ibuprofen will wear off and i'll be on the warpath.
Im scaring myself slightly, because im really eager to learn about witchcraft it feels weird but every where i go im drawn to magic and it's not that im watching too much Buffy and Angel, im actually obsessed with the whole spiritual side of life.
Feel like i have to pretend everyday to be someone just to please others, there's the dopey Lauren to make others laugh, the grown-up Lauren to give a good impression, and then theres the welcome mat Lauren ready to be walked all over. Everytime i want to say what i feel or be who i want to be something or someone always stands in my way, that's why im so eager to leave school, leave England and start a new life away from everyone i know like that audition i wa soffered i turned it down, one because it was in Edinburgh and two because when i mentioned it there was no enthusiasm, no one saying good for you, when are you going all i got was a polite smile form my mom who i know doesn't want me to leave home until im at least 30 im just not like that. I sometimes feel that i was adopted all of my family seem to want to huddle together i just want to go. At the minute my dream occupation is to work i the media which is true i guess, but i'd like to work in front of the camera although everytime i try to say that to my friends and family i picture their faces- hiding their laughter. God i'd just love to prove everyone wrong and show them all the real side of me, that's why i'll probably never be famous the only confidence i've got is the front i put up for school and leaves something to be desired.
What's a girl to do eh?
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